Asda self service tills.

Bloody things, I hate them. The only reason I use them is that there are always massive queues of pregnant junkie mums with bulging trolleys and screaming kids to contend with at the normal tills.Inevitably an item won't scan so you have to stand like a plank until help eventually arrives, or you have to look up the item yourself, and this is where I beat the system; A red pepper costs 68p but if you put it through as an onion it only costs about 18p!!

The worst and most annoying thing is 'Unexpected item in bag!' Fuck me, one of the junkie mothers' kids has tried to escape and is hiding in my carrier bag!

Transaction complete and there are multiple ways of paying. The robotic voice tells you to "insert cash or choose pay with card" and of course my crumpled ten pound note won't go in and keeps getting rejected like a soft dick trying to do the business.