Bloody things, I hate them. The only reason I use them is that there are always massive queues of pregnant junkie mums with bulging trolleys and screaming kids to contend with at the normal tills.Inevitably an item won't scan so you have to stand like a plank until help eventually arrives, or you have to look up the item yourself, and this is where I beat the system; A red pepper costs 68p but if you put it through as an onion it only costs about 18p!!

The worst and most annoying thing is 'Unexpected item in bag!' Fuck me, one of the junkie mothers' kids has tried to escape and is hiding in my carrier bag!

Transaction complete and there are multiple ways of paying. The robotic voice tells you to "insert cash or choose pay with card" and of course my crumpled ten pound note won't go in and keeps getting rejected like a soft dick trying to do the business.

Since Saturday night I've an infernal dose of the trots that has led to feverish sleepless nights and a right sore arse. I was up at 3.30 this morning emptying my bowels for a good half hour then again at 7.00 am for a repeat performance. So what caused this? I tried to think of all the things I'd eaten over the past few days and the only culprit could be a double cheeseburger from MacDees which I bought at 11am and  re-heated on Friday afternoon.

My right shoulder has also been giving me cause for concern as any sudden movement causes a throbbing pain to pulse away for a few minutes. It seems to be worse at night for some reason.

The Hogweed burns seem to be slowly healing and it's only due to my lack of seeking medical attention that has caused them to linger.

But to leave on a positive note, my gums and teeth are not bleeding anymore thanks to a years work of treatment at the Dundee Dental Hospital and they look and feel a whole lot healthier than they've ever been.

Anything else? Oh yeah, whilst out the other day looking for train tunnels a massive bramble thorn ripped me just above the belly button leaving a good 3 inch slash which will probably leave a nice scar to add to my collection.

Until next time, love'n'peace. 

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